‘Eomma’ is the Korean word for Mum

I think any first-time mums can agree that everything changes after the birth of their firstborn; I know my world did. It was a change that I had anticipated and yet it still caught me off guard. I thought I knew how much hard work was required, and how little time and sleep I would get in return; it turned out I didn’t know much.

Nothing beats experience.

I regularly asked myself, ‘Does everyone struggle like this?’. Going through pregnancy and giving birth, my body changed in ways that made it unrecognisable. However, I didn’t expect my mentality to evolve the way it did as well.

From living for oneself to living for another little human saw my heart grow outside my body. From being able to cruise mentally on autopilot throughout the day; to constantly staying alert to track multiple tasks simultaneously.  The saying ‘eating for two’ that I heard often during pregnancy, felt truer now. There were two sets of needs to fulfill, but it was clear whose were priority, and whose would be forgotten.

Yet, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Motherhood is the hardest challenge I’ve ever experienced, but I can be sure it will remain the most fulfilling. It has made me stronger, more resilient, more compassionate, and more aware. In the early hours of the morning, long before the sun would rise, when I think, I can’t stay awake any longer to rock my baby to sleep, I somehow do anyways.

I found strength where there was none.

I was resolute in protecting and nurturing my vulnerable little cub. Even if I came across as anally retentive, a stark difference from my previous cool collected self, I knew what needed to be done.  Now, my best is not enough if it means compromising the safety and wellbeing of my baby, I must be better; there’s always a way to be better.

When I fall short of my own expectations, the mum-guilt would rise. Even when my baby’s sleeping with a fresh nappy and a full tum, I could be researching that dry patch of skin; organising the next health checkup; learning healthy recipes; working on that side hustle… The list went on. I understood rest and self-care helps me be the best mum I can, but it would always feel too indulgent to completely enjoy.

Balance was key, but in what proportions?

I must thank my hubby for reminding me that I was doing great, we were doing great, that the only measure that mattered was if our little bub was happy and healthy. He was growing steady and moving actively. He was alert and always curious. I had to remember that it’s not about doing everything that weren’t done, it was about doing enough to enjoy our new baby bliss.